Eye-candy

I know I shouldn't... I musn't...but oh goodness, how can i resist?!?!?!

Out of the 5, you're my absolute favorite because:

Just like you,

1) My mother is a teacher
2) I was brought up in a family where good results are very important
3) I love reading
4) I don't mind doing things alone
5) I can be very quiet, especially when I'm moody
6) I can't crack jokes
7) I am sarcastic
8) My voice is a little high-pitched ( but then again, I'm no singer like you of course)
9) I had my ear piercings relatively late
10) I love food and have cravings!
11) I like manga too!
12) I get exasperated easily
13) I don't fit easily in a big group
14) I don't like crowds
15) I like people of the opposite sex who are good in english!

Tell me, CM, with so many things in common, is it a wonder you're my pet? Nyeknyeknyek...

dammit i have an exam tomorrow why am i like this why do i not write anything whenever i am darn free yet waste my time writing two entries in a blog that i even forgot the name of when i should be sleeping and resting my brain for the deadly 9-hour-classes tomorrow tell me why am i like this sharon ong you are crazy.

Nites.

anonymous

Why do people have a blog? is it to record the daily bits of their lives and share it with people around them? Is it a way of updating your friends about how you're faring without actually communicating with them? as in - is it a friendster sort of thing, just with lots and lots of words?

very few people know about this blog of mine. Not more than 5, i reckon. I did not pass the word around, nor did i link it to anyone I know except 1 friend. No special reason, it just felt weird because I didn't think anyone would be interested in my life anyway. So I guess it's a pretty private blog. Sometimes I dont even know why it's here anyway. Sometimes I have the urge to make it a little more public ( especially when I'm dissing someone and wish that person would read it..keke). But then I hold back, because I'm afraid of baring my soul to too many people. Anonymity is like a cocoon that wraps itself comfortingly around you, because you can be anyone you like and no one would even know.

Mum says that I lose out on a lot of life's experiences just because I am always too wary, too worried, too cautious. Afraid of doing things another way, afraid of walking down the road not taken before. It's true though. They say people fear change, because they are afraid of what they do not understand. That's why we are scared of UFOs, ghosts, orang minyak (ahem)...because we don't comprehend what they are or whether they exist.

Perhaps now, it's time to take a small step. throw all caution to the wind, take a deep breath, and plunge into the unknown.

fragility of the word F

Everyone experiences F. They've been uplifted by it, and also let down by it. But one thing is more sure, F is fragile. Or perhaps, to be more accurate, F is fragile when it isn't true F. I'm talking about friendship here.

溅男人

世界那么小，溅男人却很多。感觉上，每个好女人，都是被某个坏男人糟蹋的。那天晚上在家里观赏李明依主持的“最后的晚餐”，当中的女主角说了一句话 - “有钱的男人， 只会斤斤计较，不懂得什么叫爱情”。我还蛮同意的呢. 虽然我也像其他女生一样,梦想嫁个有钱人,可是现实中,我遇到的有钱佬,不懂得什么是爱情.当然,穷男人也有溅的.不止是针对富家公子而已.

我一直以为,自己懂得什么叫爱.但原来,就算有多了解爱,却不了解身边的他是个什么样的人,一样是会受伤的.厌倦了遇见的溅男人,决定靠自己算了. 让自己不断进步,总有一天,他会知道,当初自己是多么的愚蠢与懦弱.

old maid?!

Some friends of mine have made mental preparation that they MIGHT end up as an old maid. They have resignedly accepted the fact that there is a possibility that they may never find their destined Prince Charming and thus will have to lead a solitary life. I've never really gave much thought about this though, because I've always known that I wouldn't mind going on matchmaking dates should the time arise when my mum is desperate for her 30-something year old daughter to settle down. You know, when you've reached that certain age when you're just too weary of spending the nights alone hugging your bolster to sleep, you'd naturally settle for someone who may not be quite suited to your taste buds.

For me, being solitary was never a problem. I have no qualms about eating alone, shopping alone, watching a movie alone. Sometimes I even take the trouble to have some time alone to maintain my sanity. I'm not a "crowd" person. I despise bodies pressing against each other like a pack of sardines, i despise sweaty underarms in the LRT, I despise ear-shattering shrieks of " Merdeka!" or "Happy New Year" or "Merry Christmas!". I just don't like crowded public places. Thus, solitaire was never a problem. Up till now.

I've actually started thinking of what it would be like to be an old maid. I know for sure now that I cant bear to settle down with someone unsuitable just for the sake of settling down. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Gosh, that would mean that, if I dont find the man of my dreams, I can start saving for a place at the old folks' home in the future. gasp.

friends

I'm not the very bubbly and friendly type of girl. In fact, most people will tell you that I come across as cold and arrogant during their first impression of me. Even after knowing me for many years, there will still be people who feel that they don't know the real me - that there's some sort of invisible barrier in between. I don't warm up to people easily either; in fact, if I feel that I don't click with you during our first meeting, there's a great possibility that I will never ever be close to you in the future, because I would be feeling very uncomfortable.

It's during times of trial when you know who your real friends are. To all those who have been incredibly supportive during this period, thank you. It makes all the difference. I am deeply comforted. To the others who have not, well, let's just say I know your true colours now. Friendship is never a one-way street, so if it doesn't go both ways - it's not worth it. What I dislike the most is people who don't hesitate seeking help from you when they need it, yet they never do the same when you're down in the dumps. Yucky.

I've never been the wildly popular one, simply because I am not really an extrovert. It isn't easy for me to be comfortable with people, so if there is a slight hint of uneasiness, I will gladly excuse myself the next time you invite me to hang out. It's not me being rude; rather, I can't bring myself to plaster on a fake smile and keep thinking of topics to talk about. Therefore, I know that I may have fewer friends, but to me, quality matters way more than quality. After all, I've been brought up to enjoy solitaire, so I'm not the kind who needs people just for the sake of warding off loneliness.

To those who have been by my side with gracious patience, I've been there for you before. And I'll always be there anytime you need me. Thanks a gazillion.

the end

Shakespear once said that the world is a stage, and we are merely actors on it. Something along those lines. For this particular play, the curtain falls, and he and I both take our bows and leave with bittersweet graciousness.

Ironically, the year began with an end. And it happened unannounced, with no cue beforehand. All it took was 2 days of contemplation, and the verdict was reached. Unlike the previous case, this deal was sealed without tantrums or gushes of tears. It wasn't a decision made in the spur of the moment, in the heat of flared tempers. Rather, it resembled the ending of Korean soap dramas. Stricken with cancer, the persona struggles daily while putting on a brave front, but we all know that death is imminent and inevitable; we just don't know exactly when the Grim Reaper will strike. I guess the same could be said of us. The relationship was slowly being poisoned by the lack of time, the weariness of reality, and the differences in character. It's something like a patient hooked onto life support; you choose to take the easy way out by taking off the machine, because you don't want to die a slow and painful death.

I suppose this is for the very best. I won't lie and try to act cool by saying that I'm unaffected. I'm mourning inside, because I know I've tried my very best to make this work. But perhaps I was slowly unable to ignore the incessant nudges in my head. And I know he was getting weary too. I actually kinda understand how he feels. It's like you work almost 12 to 15 hours a day, and when you get back you're really worn out. You have no time to whisper sweet nothingness into the phone, because all you want to do is fall into bed. Yet you feel guilty, because there is someone waiting for you. So you drag yourself out of bed and dial the number, and repeat the same things you say every night mechanically. You can't really be bothered about the answers and you're just too weary to think of new topics to discuss. In fact, you don't even feel like talking, because you're so tired it feels like your brain and organs are slowly shutting down. You love her, but when you're this tired, sometimes you're just not sure anymore.

The reason why I didn't want to begin too quickly was because I feared the end. I've had a terrible experience before this, and boy, did that take time. I really really hate going through this again, but I'll manage better because the circumstances this time are different. We merely fell prey to timing, that's all.

Urgh, I really am not looking forward to explaining this to friends and family. That's actually one of the main reasons I'm writing this - so that whoever who reads this won't accidentally mention him to me again. Save me from more heartbreak please. I need to heal.