贪心的人类

人，永远都是贪得无厌的。
自己过得好好地，却想拥有更多
看见别人的快乐，就忘了其实自己是很幸福的
你有一尺，却想要别人的一丈
常常认为这样是不足够的
可是，拼命追逐虚幻的梦想后
当你累得忘了自己当初为了什么那么用功，
你才发现，原来， 以前的一切，才是最完美的
当时在你身边的人，才是最爱你的
珍惜眼前人吧！

Irresistible Food

Sob. It's certified. I am nothing but a GLUTTON. Big bowl of rice, complete with chicken drumstick for dinner at 6.30pm. After test at 9pm, off to MCD for some ice cream sundae. 2am, when i could no longer resist the temptation ( my cravings were killing me), I went to the tyre shop in SK for Mamak food. So a big plate of nasi lemak, with a bowl of chevon meat and two drinks - that set me back by RM8.60 anyway - and now I am bloated to the brim. Damn I'm gonna need that Uzap faster than expected.

My Future Children

Just back from Advanced Management English test. Ever since primary school till now, English has always been my favourite subject, because there's basically nothing to study for it, and no matter what essay question pops up, I can twist my writing into a convincing article. Too bad the same cant be said for the rest of the subjects that I'm taking this semester.

Anyways, back to the topic of future children. People always say :" I want my children to be better than me." True, parents will always want the best for their offspring. That's why they send them to piano lessons, tuition classes, ballet classes etc. All just to mould their kids into SuperKid with an IQ of 200. But the funny thing is, I don't want my children to be like that.

I want my kids to be average, happy -go -lucky children. Of course I'd like for them to be smart, but I'd prefer if they weren't the top of their classes. Bring home A's on their report cards, peppered with some B's; it's alright. As long as they have fun learning, and they enjoy school, that's good enough. Good looking children would be nice, but no gorgeous kids. Somehow I find that people who are endowed with too much of a good thing never end up being very happy or very successful, whether it is brain or brawn. So I want my children to be satisfied with their looks, and not be overly vain. I'd also like for them to be sporty children, who love getting dirty out in the fields, who go rolling in mud or whatever. I just want them to be free-spirited souls, who know that there is more to life than study and work. Hmm, come to think about it, I'd like if they held jobs as newscasters, journalists, photographers even.

Most of all, I want them to know that being average is not wrong.

思念

如果思念真的是一种病，那我想，我已经病入膏肓了。。

The search for the One

I'd like to believe in fairy tales; really. When I'm all grown up some Prince Charming will come and sweep me off my feet and carry me to his castle. In real life, that translates into someone

• rich
  
• handsome
  
• smart
  
• kind
  
• tall
  
• built
  
• sporty
  
• humorous
  
• musically inclined
  
• who loves animals

Sure, when you're in your teens you can daydream all you want. After all, that's what youth is for, for you to be impractical until you have no choice but to grow up. When you reach your twenties ( Gosh I sound so old!), you finally force yourself to face the fact that the bubble has burst. There is no such perfect guy in the world; or even if there is, he wont be after you either. Sad, but true for commoners like me. I'm no diva, no royal princess, no hotel heiress. Thus, the rest of the world and I are stuck with your normal average guys.

As you grow older, in dismay you find that you've got to slash off certain requirements. Okay, maybe being handsome isn't really important. So you settle for "decent looking". Then maybe being multimillionaire rich isn't going to come true either. So "middle class" will do. You probably won't be dating the next Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, so maybe you don't need someone who's too brainy. After all, he might be stuck up anyway. So just someone with a university education, thank you. Being kind is still rather crucial though. Thus if you see him giving his seat to some pregnant lady, or helping an old man across the street, grab him! Such selfless people are close to extinction, if they aren't already. Tall... I used to wish for someone with 180cm. But since I'm not growing taller already, I can make do with any height in my guy, as long as he is taller than me ( and that isn't hard AT ALL).

As for built, rippling muscles and six-pack abs don't really matter. I'm not going for Mr Universe anyway. Someone lean would be good enough, though the trend nowadays seem to be either skinny or flabby. Never mind, I don't have a killer body anyway. What else? Oh, sporty. Well, that's always one of the main attractions in a guy, right? Guys who play sports just seem cool. But then, sports isn't going to buy you bread and butter, so just take it as a bonus if your guy is a sportsman. Musically inclined...a guy who plays the piano can make me drool on the spot. If a guy plays me a piece on the piano, I might lose all my reservations and propose at once. Haha, but then, asking for that seems a bit too much. So I suppose I don't really give a damn now if he quacks like a duck in the karaoke room. Last but not least, animal lover. This matters a lot to me, for I really want to have pets in the future. How nice would it be if I got some kindred spirit who'd go to zoos with me or perhaps be a volunteer for SPCA or PAWS? No such luck. Alright, as long as he isn't allergic to fur and he really couldn't be bothered if I have a cat or a dog or an iguana at home, I'm all good.

Doesn't it seem simple? Don't be fooled. You'd be surprised to find how someone who manages to fulfill all these requirements still cant manage to capture your heart. That's why we're always looking and looking and looking. But when the time comes and you're weary, you'll just settle for some nice sweet natured guy who happened to be at the right place at the right time. Then you get hitched and that's it.

Reading this back, I find it rather depressing. Please don't take my word for this. Some people may enjoy a wonderful courtship with the person that they are head over heels in love with; not everyone has to wake up to reality. That's just me being cynical again.Hohoho.

I know How It Feels

A friend from another university was telling me a few days back how much she loathed somebody, but unfortunately had to deal with that person each and everyday. That was because that person was within her circle of friends, and thus she could never do anything or go anywhere without the person tagging along. As a result, her dislike for her grew and grew until she wished she'd never known her in the first place.

I've had similar experiences before, disliking someone yet having no way to avoid the person. In the beginning, it just eats you up inside and you just wish and wish you didn't have to see him/her. You just want to turn your back or burrow in some hole until the feeling of anger subsides ( not that it subsides the next day either). If you keep on entertaining those negative feelings, you'd be amazed how miserable it can make life be for you. But then again, we're only human, it's natural to like some people and despise others. I'm no saint; in fact when I'm angry I usually stay in and block the world outside by switching off my cell phone and my computer so that I'm totally alone. Sometimes I go out with some other friends or call up old acquaintances; it helps to know that there are still people whom you care about. At the end of the day, what the person did to you will seem very small, or you just don't bother about it any longer.

It takes time, but trust me, it'll be over sooner than you think, okay?

Dramas

Slept at 5am this morning. Damn I loathe late nights. Even though you sleep up to 9 or 10 hours, you still feel shitty when you wake up. My chest feels kind of weak, and my nose is runny, not to mention that my head feels as heavy as having KLCC on top of it.

Anyway, as I couldn't really slip into slumber land, I turned to dramas to kill my time. Was watching 2 Japanese dramas - 14 year old mother and you're my pet. The first one was saddening; you see how a carefree 14 year old gets knocked up by chance, and ends up bearing the burden of having a child at the tender age of 14. Was crying rivers in the first few episodes, especially the parts where her parents found out and had a hard time taking in the truth. All the time I was wondering: how would MY parents react if that happened to me? And how would I myself react if that happened to my daughter? A girl, no more than a child herself, having a baby. You know how it is with the society. Jeers and disapproval probably kills more teenage mothers than the difficult labour they experience in the operating theater. I have a good mind to introduce this drama to my mother. If it makes me cry rivers, I can predict her gushing oceans.

The next drama was a romantic comedy - Kimi wa Petto. Good, it helped balance my emotions. It tells of a 29 year old elite Tokyo graduate who is so tall and so good at her job that she has trouble warming up to people. She will also settle for no guy who is shorter than her, or has a lower education and income. So she's like the icy queen, 高高在上，男人攀不起。Then one night, she discovers a cardboard boz outside her apartment. Thinking that it was probably an abandoned pet, she opens it and *gasp*! To her horror she finds a young boy, wounded and drenched in the box. She takes him home and cares for him. In the following two months, the 19 year old boy lives with her as her pet -Momo. In truth, he is a dancing prodigy, who has gone against his mother's wish for him to do classical dance. Although each time he does a performance, the crowd goes wild and labels him as their idol; amidst the standing ovation, he is lonely. The same goes for Imaya-san, the lady who takes him in. She has trouble being a normal girlfriend to her senpai, because she is so uptight and tries too hard to be perfect. However, once at home, she and her pet Momo are able to be themselves, with no facades in the way. Slowly, despite having the perfect boyfriend who fulfills all her criteria, she finds herself drawn to this young boy, who is shorter than her, has a lower education level than her, and lives off HER money.

I've always felt queasy about relationships between older women and younger men, especially when the age gap is 10 years here. But then to my surprise this whole drama just kept me feeling really warm and fuzzy inside all the time, and I found myself rooting for this odd couple.
Guess it's because they're so natural together that I can't help but forget the difference.

Sunday morning..Woohoo!

Some scenes from the two dramas taken from the Net:

1) Kimi wa Petto




2) 14 Sai no Haha

Sore eyes

My eyes feel as if they've been kneaded over and over again like dough. That's how sore they feel. In Hokkien, we say that the eyes are " siap siap". I would dearly like to put some hot tea bags on them right now, but the only teabags I own is the 何人可凉茶, and somehow I don't really relish the idea of having my eyes smell like bitter herbal tea. Gimme chamomile and lavender now!!! No cucumbers in sight, so I had to resort to putting cold spoons on my eyes. Two metal spoons in the freezer for 30 minutes, then place them gently on the eyes. It doesn't work as well as hot teabags, providing only temporary relief, but still, better than nothing. Darn...siap siap...

Complicated

Everything in life is complicated. The older we get, the more twisted life becomes, and sometimes we get so entwined in our daily issues that we seem to find no way out. Childhood is precious, not because of its briefness, but because of its simplicity. As we mature into adults, sadly we manage to make things far more complicated than necessary and end up making ourselves miserable in the process as well.

I have a principle that I hold on dearly to: never get too involved until you can never get out. It's true, you know. Get too personally involved and at the end of the day, you suffocate. That is why sometimes I may come across as somewhat of a loner, not because I don't choose to give my all to the people around me, but because I choose to leave some space so that we can all take a step back when we need to. I don't want to be stereotyped as 'someone's friend, someone's leader, someone's group mate, someone's sister, someone's daughter" and etc. I want to have my very own personality, so that others can identify with Sharon the Person, and not with the various roles that I play in my life, whether it be a classmate, a friend,a senior and so on..

I am comfortable in my own skin, and I try not to let others demean me. It sure is a trying process, but better late than never. Sometimes I observe the people around me and their worries, and I wonder: Isn't there more to life than what we have right now? I myself have been swamped with concerns often, and there are times when I feel like I'm drowning in quicksand; the feeling of helplessness is just too intense.

Then I remember my principle, and I take a step back. Often, this helps the situation in ways that I never could imagine. I try to remind myself again and again what it means to live a carefree life, and though I may stumble in my process of learning, nothing can stop me from reaching the finishing line eventually.

Bloody Business

Remember my last post where I said that I was going to make it as a blood donor this time? Well, I bloody meant it, pardon the pun. Yes! I am now the proud owner of a little red pocket book that has my name on it, as well a certificate by the Malaysian Blood Bank stating that I " bermurah hati"...a round of applause please...thank you, thank you...haha

What's the big deal, you may ask. Well, it's no biggie actually. But then, after being turned down twice, a girl can only take so many rejections. For me, the more rejections I got, the more I wanted to have that sense of fulfillment. And this time, I bloody made it.

Of course it didn't help that once again the weighing machine was faulty. ( What is it with hospital weighing machines?!) A couple of my friends came away smiling, saying that they were 2 to 3 kg lighter AT LEAST. Ahh, I see, the feel-good factor makes the donors feel that it's all worth their while. So when the lady before me was having her finger pricked, I quickly stepped onto the machine. Not quite up to the mark, which further confirmed that the machine WAS problematic, because I have been WAY heavier than 45 kg for the past two years.

Luckily the nurse wasn't looking at the scales, so I lied about my weight. " Hmm, borderline ya.."he said. Sure, because I took off a couple of kilogrammes off my REAL weight. Haha...the feel-good factor is really important okay, even though I may be cheating. Great, I've passed the first test, the one that got me rejected 3 years ago.

2nd test, the blood pressure examination. Last year the doctor claimed that my pressure was too low, thus I wasn't allowed to donate. Surprisingly, two of my friends were turned down this time due to high blood pressure. Guess the late nights took their toll on them. I sat down gingerly, praying silently. Come on...come on... " blood pressure ok, cantik". Once those words came out of the doctor's mouth, I turned around and beamed at my friends, who were saying " 哇， Sharon, 终于可以捐了！！！” Nothing was going to stop me, not this time!

So I quickly chose a seat and held out my left arm. A few friends of mine had the horrible experience of bruised sore arms the next day after donation, so I wanted to make sure that in case I was as unlucky as them, at least I could still use my right hand to write. Boon sat on my right, muttering his protests. This was because I had taken the seat that he wanted, so he had no choice but to put out his right arm, as all the necessary equipment were attached to the right side of his seat. Haha...he was sulking away.

I was given a 350ml bag, while Boon and YeeLing were handed 450ml ones. So we sat there, waiting for our turns. The funny thing is, my heart actually started thumping furiously and my palms were sweating away. This is weird, because I have never been afraid of needles. In fact, I have always opted for injections rather then pill popping, because I want fast relief from whatever it is that I'm suffering from.

But there I was, starting to feel panicky when the nurse took out the syringe. Boon, who was really calm before this ( he kept assuring me " just like an ant's bite"), actually winced when the nurse injected him. He turned and looked at me woefully, and immediately made things worst by saying " 她的skill不好，蛮痛嘞！！” Great, just great.

When it was my turn, I felt as if the Nile River was flowing from my hands. I took a deep breath, and in went the syringe. Phew...not as bad as expected, maybe due to the fact that another nurse attended to me. Soon I got over the weird feeling of having an alien object under my skin, and started snapping pictures. Yeah, that's how '38" I am.

It was over in about 20 minutes. I felt alright, neither dizzy nor lethargic after that. I don't know why I'm drawn to this bloody business, but what I do know is that next semester I'm going to do this again.


Blood blood blood...


You can see the three of us in this picture..

Will I succeed this time?

I'll be going to campus at 3.30pm later on. No, I dont have classes. I'm going there for 1 purpose, and 1 purpose only - to donate blood! The thing is, will I succeed this time? This is my 3rd pathetic attempt; i was turned away twice ( DAMMIT!).

The first time was when I had just turned 18 ( ahh...when i was still fresh and young). I was quite proud that I could finally do something without requiring my parents' signature to show their permission. And whats more, i was 45kg back then ( ya, back then, not now..) so I knew I had fulfilled the minimum weight requirement. So off I went, feeling rather thrilled. I painstakingly filled in form after form ( You know, the ones that ask you whether you have any disease or whether you've had sex is the past few days)and I went to the weighing machine. The thing is, the weighing machine wasnt accurate, because it showed me weighing 43 kg. The needle/ indicator( or whatever it's called) wasnt pointing at 0 in the first place; it was hovering somewhere between -2 to -3. So you see, i WAS 45 kg, just that the machine was faulty. I pointed it out to the nurse, but she shook her head and said.." lain kali-lah..". DARN!!

NEVER MIND. NEVER MIND. I tried again last year. This time I knew that even if the machine was faulty again, I would DEFINITELY fulfill the minimum 45kg mark. So I went again, and filled in form after form after form...diseases, sexual intercourse...blah blah blah...and this time, I stepped on the machine, and I passed ( Come to think about it, I really shouldnt be happy about that right?)..Anyways, I got my finger pricked and off i went to get my blood pressure monitored. Hmm...they attached the Omron machine to my arm, and there wasnt much of a reading. 2nd time, tried again. Still not good. So the doctor took out her stethoscope, and pressed it to my vein. Twice she did that. " Adik, tekanan darah you rendah sangat, tak boleh lah..." ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Dammit this time I'll make it. Stay tuned.

See the determination sparkling...