irked

I'm so easily irritated nowadays, I don't even know why. I don't think it's the oestrogen levels though, because it's past that time of the month. It's like I don't feel like "layaning" anyone, especially members of the opposite sex because most of the time it's because they want something from you - assignment info, homework answers, rental etc. While I know that they are entirely not at fault, I just don't want to hear from them or talk to them. OMG am i turning emo? is it because of the onslaught of flu symptoms? is it due to the ever-increasing-with-no-signs-of-reducing pile of work I have? Is it because I am single now and have no one to whom I can rant to and not feel apologetic?

I just feel tired and wish I weren't here in MMU. I enjoyed my stay yesterday at IMU, but then I still had to come back and face reality anyway. I just told my friends the other day that I'd probably change numbers a few times a year in the future because I want to get away from some people. Bah.

selfish people

They say you should never expect anything in return whenever you help someone, but unfortunately I don't really see it that way. Usually I am only willing to help people whom I know will not hesitate to return the favour when I need it. Too many cases of people who dont talk to you much on normal days, yet pretend to be all chummy when they need something from you. Too many examples of people asking for favours, yet giving you all kinds of reasons when you ask for a favour from them instead. And isn't it ironic that the smart ones are those who refuse to share any tips or their own knowledge even though they are the ones who ask for help in assignments and examination preparation? Or that the rich ones are those who don't think twice of asking for favours that can help them save money in the process yet come up with all sorts of lame excuses when you ask the same of them? And rich people who always say they are poor...yeah well, I bet you're as poor as my results are bad.

And yes, my internet connection is back! Yes!

FFK - almost

I had been craving for pasta since last Thursday, and Alex invited me to go to Italiannies on Saturday. So okay, alright, I menahan nafsu and waited impatiently for Saturday. Family members and friends who know me well will be familiar with my cravings - once i crave for something to eat, my mind will be filled with it, every minute of every day, and I cannot focus my concentration on any work until I am satiated.

So Saturday arrived and I waited for him to confirm the time. No calls, no messages. Nvm, I called. His phone was switched off. Oh no, this can't be good. This could only mean 1 thing - the fella must have drunk himself silly the night before with his colleagues and was now KO-ed. OMG. What time would he awake then? Ladies and gentlemen, a record-breaking 4.30pm.

Then he had the nerve to tell me he didn't feel like going today. My pasta.......dashed hopes. But I was still civilized despite my disappointment and told him it was alright. But when I woke up from my nap an hour later, the cravings began again and simultaneously I began to feel pissed off. So I ranted to ZH and he told me to demand a free meal from Alex. Haha, apparently Alex once overslept and made ZH and CK wait for 2 hours. They demanded he foot the bill and he did.

Well I didn't do that because usually Alex is nice enough to pay anyway. So I dialed the number and the first thing I said was : " Alex, I am mad at you." And he replied :"Why?What did I do?"...how guys can be so dense at times eludes me I tell you. Must be the alcohol.

So I described how disappointed I was that I had to eat Maggie noodles that day instead of the pasta I craved, and how irresponsible it is to FFK without even so much as a call or sms the night before mentioning the possibility of a cancellation. I didn't eat till 3pm because I thought he might wake up before that and I'd still have pasta, albeit a little later. Well anyway, good for Mr A, he did make an effort to get up and keep his promise, and he was very nice as to come all the way to Cyber to pick me up (usually I take the bus) to atone for his insensitivity. Which was good news to ZH too, because then Alex agreed to meet him and Eric and CK and Audrey for drinks.

So yes, we went to Italiannies, and that's for another post because I am just too damn tired.

RIP

Dear Daniel:

I am so sorry I only just found out what happened. It really came as a shock to me when I finally signed into my MSN messenger and saw your status. At 1st I couldn't believe it, but who jokes about such things? And when I saw the date, I knew. Jokes don't go that far. And so in a panic, I went to my Friendster account and searched painstakingly for you. I remember you wrote me a testimonial before, so I clicked page after page, hoping that somehow it would all just be a bad dream. Page after page...and then I found you. You were the 1st person to write a testimonial for me, and it really really hurts me now when I read what you wrote and yet know that I have lost such a dear friend.

You were so friendly, so gregarious, it was impossible not to warm up to you. I remember you sitting in front of me in English class and you would turn around cheekily to talk to me. I even have photos of you with the rest of us girls before I left Inti for good. I know we havent kept in touch much after I left, but then I remember everything about you. The way you talked, the way you walked, the way you dressed. It hurts, Daniel..

I am so sorry I was never a good enough friend. But please know that you mean a lot, and you are a friend that can never be forgotten even after years have gone by.

RIP Daniel.

can men and women be just good friends?

Why not? I'm not of the opinion that a guy and a girl has to be interested in each other romantically to want to be friends. In fact, I kind of despise it when guys are nice to you just because they are hoping they can hook up with you. Shallow lah.

I have several close friends who are male, and most of them are attached. We can talk just about anything and everything, and even if we haven't seen each other for months, even years, there isn't a moment of awkwardness when we meet up. There's no gawking silence where you're cracking your head trying to think of topics to relieve the situation while acting as if it's all cool. Nada. It's just like going to a new room and lying on a bed that's as comfy as your own. Weird sort of description, but I just can't explain it in better ways. You know you're good friends when silence is comfortable between you two.

In fact, if my memory serves me well, I've always been closer to male friends than to female friends. Somehow you don't get the feeling that they're probably backstabbing you, or they secretly hate your guts. Being with guy friends is when you can be really goofy, swear like a pirate, do disgusting things and laugh about it.

So yes, I think the opposite sex can just be friends WITHOUT thinking of taking the friendship further. I just told a guy friend yesterday - do you know why I'm close friends with some guys as in I don't mind going out one on one with them? It's because I'm comfortable being just friends. I mean, if something else were to happen, I'd avoid the guy like the plague.
It's happened before, not often, but definitely occurred sometime in the past, where a guy friend has admitted being romantically interested in me. What happens then? Awkward silences and goodbye to good ole days of movie or makan dates. Nah, if I treat you like a friend, it means you are that and nothing more. Let's not push it.

Good friends are those who understand that, and treat you well because they cherish you and enjoy your company. On the other hand, guys who take you out and treat you well or really go all the way out to make you happy just because they want to be in a relationship with you aren't really friends - they are just acquaintances who went down the wrong path. Don't get me wrong; it's not like these guys are jerks, many a time they are decent people, which is why you became friends with them in the first place. All I'm saying is, friendships like these aren't really genuine because there is a motive involved, and these friendships usually turn sour after rejection. That's just plain sad.

But yes, I am lucky, because I have good guy friends who aren't in it for something. I happen to have a pic of some of them. These are the friends whom I usually meet once a year or once every 2 years? yeah, they're not people i hang out all the time with because they're in different places, but definitely people I can just call anytime to sob about a breakup. Haha. I wont go into details as to how I knew them and all that coz that's in my old Friendster blog anyway.


Aik Ping, whom I meet once or twice a year. We've known each other since I was 17. Our mothers were colleagues once too. He's working now, but this Sunday he's bringing his new gf to meet me and have dinner.
Chian Ping - known to others as my Korean friend. He's not a Korean, but a Malaysian studying in Korea. We meet only once a year - during Chinese New Year hols. Every year, without fail. He has a gf whom I've never seen because she's from China. He was my best guy friend when I was miserable in UITM. CP do you remember the time I yelled at a kid for torturing a cat in the park and you got so shocked that you quickly apologized to his dad??
Yuk Heng. My dear kawan from orientation. This was when I went down to Melaka last year to visit him and other friends. During orientation we were both selected to participate in a sketch for the Green Group and we won! And do you remember the times when we played the game where everyone had to yell a name and you were the unlucky one who always kena because your surname is Ha and whenever anyone said "Har?" it would be taken to mean you anyway?Lolz.

造福人群记

我不是什么大慈悲家，也不是什么白衣天使，可我也可以尽一份力量去造福人群！怎么说？简单得很 - 只需要施舍一点点血而已！

星期二当天，我上完international accounting课之后，就翘课到FIT building 捐血去了.我从十八岁开始就很想体验捐血的滋味,但由于种种因素,两次都没捐成. 所以当我在去年的时候成功捐了我人生的第一包血,说实在的还真是有股成就感呢! 今年只有我一个人去捐,衰人WYL自从上一回看见自己妹妹捐血时发生的小意外后,誓不重历,就不敢捐了.宅女TCS就因服着药物,所以没资格捐.那么, 就剩下老娘我出兵啦!

如往常般,我又谝了谎言,说自己超了设定的45公斤. 其实我真的超过45公斤,可就不知道为什么每一次医院带来的体秤机往往都是为每个人减少三公斤的.没关系,反正医务人员都没检查,所以很容易就骗得了过去. 嘻嘻,今年血压也没问题, 本姑娘过关了!

衰人与宅女都没事做,就带着手提电脑在我身旁看戏. 我选了位置就快快坐下了.我一定选择左边的椅子,因为万一再过两天我的手臂酸痛或有瘀痕,至少都不会影响我写字或驾车. 坐下后,心里一直祈祷护士都是有经验的,要不我可能会像我朋友们那样倒霉,好心没好报,得到此下场...


当走到我面前的护士是一位看似二十余岁的女人,我的心顿时怦怦跳.不是小鹿乱撞Ok,是真的好担心! omg 这么年轻,我这一次死定了.所幸她说我的血脉很明显,一下子就把针筒刺进去了.我这人也很奇怪,明明会有些担心痛,可是偏偏就爱看着针筒刺进皮肤的那一幕.我会目不转睛地望着我的手臂,从小都是这样.

捐血的当儿,无聊起来,便开始拍照.别说我是三八,我告诉你,每一个人当时都是这样做.连男生也是.这是衰人帮我拍的.



后来,我身边来了一位男生,样子还蛮过得去的.他有两位朋友,都很滑稽,就爱惹护士小姐笑. " Cik, you cucuk dia kuat kuat, jangan bagi muka"听得护士腼腆起来了,我和宅女也在旁边笑得乐开怀呀.后来他们又不知从哪里拿出一台相机,要和护士小姐拍照.护士婉拒了,但他们说: "mesti punya, cik awak yang cucuk dia, mesti ambil gambar bersama!", 她也就笑笑点头了.

后来更可笑的是,他们竟然也要求我拍照留念. 好像这是什么历史性的一刻.我答应了,但忘了向他们要了那一张相片.算了吧,当时自己的脸色也没好到哪儿去.

捐完后,我们三人疯狂组又偷偷溜进班,假装从一开始就在专心听课.哈哈..

Makan makan

Oh so on Tuesday a bunch of us went to Syabu syabu. I'm no big fan of steamboats; in fact I find them rather bland unless the soup is spicy. But since a lot of people were raving about it and I found it quite affordable at RM26.50 ( compared to the whopping RM62 I once paid for the buffet in Neway - damn they con you by giving you a RM22 fruit platter and 2 RM9 bowls of cheap tidbits that you don't need), so I just tagged along.

We were starving, and I was glad to see that there weren't too many people. Queing up for ages sucks when you want to swallow a cow. So up we went, and the feast begun! I must say, steamboat without spicy soup will always end up being too bland for me, so I plunged every morsel into the soy sauce and chili paste provided. The concept is rather unique in that it follows the Japanese style of having the food passed along the conveyor belt, which is good because it saves you the trouble of having to get up every now and then to refill your plates. But I must say I found it so-so, and I probably din eat my worth of RM26.50. But CS did. We noticed that for every 1 plate I ate, she already had 7 stacked up. She probably ate our share of worth already, so no rugi la.

A group of people after work were celebrating something opposite us, but I didn't know what because they were pretty noisy taking group pictures and posing here and there. But oh well, having colleagues within your age range is fun that way. You can drop the adult act.

Here's a pic of some plates in front of us - our last 2 or 3 i think. The staff clean up pretty fast after you stack a sizable number of plates up. I think you can see pretty clearly the 2 ladies opposite us. For some reason the pics we took of ourselves made us look like dumpling faces, so I shall save us all the embarrassment and not put those pictures up.And yes, I'm messy that way.

An education doesn't mean you're entitled to act like a jerk

Was eating at Dengkil yesterday afternoon. It was really hot, and i saw flies buzzing around, so my housemate and I opted to go upstairs where it's airconditioned. The food was alright, I finally had curry which was what I had been craving for. The problem is, soon a bunch of men walked in, dressed formally with tags around their necks. Ah, one of your average corporate newbies i gathered. They sat down at the table next to us and conversed in English, about some IT stuff la whatever. That's not the issue. Soon i started coughing. Now good friends of mine or friends who notice me closely will know that I'm very senstitive to cigarette smoke. It affects me much worse than others. I looked behind and this guy was casually puffing away. He saw my disgusted look, but acted as if nothing happened. Damn it dickhead, you don't go around lighting up in an airconditioned restaurant. There's no smoking and non-smoking area here ok!

Here's what I think. You should just take the lighted end of it and stuff it up your ass. Damn I am pissed. Inconsiderate pig. So what if you have a degree and know about IP addresses and servers and blah? If you crave it so badly, step outside la! Smoking in front of people is damn selfish. Either step aside, or in open areas, blow ur smoke away from ur friends and those ppl next to you. I don't care if you're surrounded by people, puff up to the sky or down to your feet la! Damn I don't know why I'm so worked up but I am lor....Crap.

liu lian pui!!

Today's dinner... DURIAN RICE!!! I know a lot of people will think it's weird...yala geli lah i know...but this is the way we eat in Pangkor ok!

the stupid things we do when we're bored

Was going through these old pics in my handphone before it struck me. People go to university to become matured adults, but our mentalities seem to be deteriorating instead. Or maybe it's because technology is so canggih now compared to our days in high school.



1. Pretending to look at the board while a friend is snipping away and it's SO OBVIOUS that we're trying hard to hold our laughter in. This was during Business Law class i think.

2. In FAR class. Start with a normal pleasant pic.


Then a serious "charismatic" look.
Lastly a retard look where some random friend sticks a ruler and a pen into her face.




3. Stick Rocky sticks into our mouths during a conference at UKM. Ya we're supposed to be representing our university but this is how we memalukan ourselves in public.In front of people from UKM, UPM, USM, UM etc.

4. Try to open up the eyes of our classmate because you can barely see them when he smiles. See, we look so professional in our blazers, the future accountants,the future pride of our uni wth.
5. Pretend to be receiving some award from Datin CS. OK this is really retarded.That's actually a notebook given to us by ACCA, and the venue is STAD building. The people lining up behind us are actually waiting to unbar themselves because they have paid the fees for the trimester. We were waiting for the rest to finish, and if you see carefully you can see Boon and Woo behind us.

6. That's Mike posing with an MP3. He said he wanted to look as he was the male spokesperson for it. (The MP3 doesn't even belong to him...haha...人肉布景版）

Sex Bombshell

Move over, Angelina Jolie. Here's the new sexy sultress...

CALL ME!!!

One of my friends has a nickname - the Hulk. Don't ask me why or how she got that nickname. Why not? Don't ask ME, because you can ask HER yourself!

Here's the deal. The Hulk is single and available. She heard that getting a pink crystal bracelet would boost her love life, but before she could do that, her mum came home from Thailand with a bunch of pendants. And guess what the Hulk is wearing?



A picture says more than a thousand words. So all you decent NORMAL guys out there, don't wait any longer! Call her at 012 - 9xx8xx6!

WANTED

Okay so I went for this movie Wanted starring James McAvoy and Angie Jolie, as well as Morgan Freeman today. Yes I'm very well aware that this movie is old and I'm outdated, but I couldn't get anyone to go and see it with me earlier because my movie kaki had already watched it. So I was pretty much planning to go see it myself one of these days when Han Seen told me he was back from India, and no he hadn't watched it as well.

Jadi tunggu apa lagi????


He very kindly picked me up from Puchong and off we went to Sunway Pyramid. After a hearty meal, we went to TGV. My oh my, never ever have I been in a theatre room that is SO steep! I tell you, there was no way anyone would have blocked anyone else's view, because the chairs were situated in a way that your feet would be at the head of the guy sitting in front of you.

The movie was okay, a little confusing at times. Angie was HOTNESS personified! Despite having had so many kids and being in her thirties, she totally rocked the smoky eye hot mama look. Can't blame Brad for falling for her; even I am drawn to those eyes. Crap it's so unfair.

Many people don't understand why someone like James McAvoy would be selected for the role of an assassin, being puny as he is. But somehow I've always had a soft spot for him. I know he's no Greek God, but there is something about the fella that makes me relate to him. Maybe because we're both short, haha...but the guy has some serious sexy accent in person and a dry sense of humour. Will upload a video of an interview with him and you'll know what I mean.

Thanks for the meal, the movie, the popcorn and the ride home Han Seen. Sorry for being bad company today; was seriously too worn out from the lack of sleep for two nites in a row. I must have yawned about 100 times. Will make it up to you some other time, okies?

Blardy blood-suckers

It's 2.48am now. My mind isn't functioning properly, and my body feels as if it's crumbling into weary pieces. I'm at my friend the Hulk's place, a sleepover tonight after a late night of karaoke. Together with another friend Zhai Girl, we're trying to catch a few winks before our 9am class tomorrow. But...BUT! Why am I still here at the Hulk's computer? I can't sleep, as much as I want to, because her room is filled with those teeny weeny buzzing winged creatures who just love to stop by and leave little "souvenirs" in the form of itchy bumps on your skin. (whatever it's just mosquitoes-lah no matter how poetic I try to describe them). As of now, I have drenched my arms and legs with minyak kapak, the Hulk has her blanket covered all way up to her head,and Zhai Girl has her blanket AND a towel thrown over her face. Mosquitoes - you just can't get away from them no matter how hard you try.

Eye-candy

I know I shouldn't... I musn't...but oh goodness, how can i resist?!?!?!

Out of the 5, you're my absolute favorite because:

Just like you,

1) My mother is a teacher
2) I was brought up in a family where good results are very important
3) I love reading
4) I don't mind doing things alone
5) I can be very quiet, especially when I'm moody
6) I can't crack jokes
7) I am sarcastic
8) My voice is a little high-pitched ( but then again, I'm no singer like you of course)
9) I had my ear piercings relatively late
10) I love food and have cravings!
11) I like manga too!
12) I get exasperated easily
13) I don't fit easily in a big group
14) I don't like crowds
15) I like people of the opposite sex who are good in english!

Tell me, CM, with so many things in common, is it a wonder you're my pet? Nyeknyeknyek...

dammit i have an exam tomorrow why am i like this why do i not write anything whenever i am darn free yet waste my time writing two entries in a blog that i even forgot the name of when i should be sleeping and resting my brain for the deadly 9-hour-classes tomorrow tell me why am i like this sharon ong you are crazy.

Nites.

anonymous

Why do people have a blog? is it to record the daily bits of their lives and share it with people around them? Is it a way of updating your friends about how you're faring without actually communicating with them? as in - is it a friendster sort of thing, just with lots and lots of words?

very few people know about this blog of mine. Not more than 5, i reckon. I did not pass the word around, nor did i link it to anyone I know except 1 friend. No special reason, it just felt weird because I didn't think anyone would be interested in my life anyway. So I guess it's a pretty private blog. Sometimes I dont even know why it's here anyway. Sometimes I have the urge to make it a little more public ( especially when I'm dissing someone and wish that person would read it..keke). But then I hold back, because I'm afraid of baring my soul to too many people. Anonymity is like a cocoon that wraps itself comfortingly around you, because you can be anyone you like and no one would even know.

Mum says that I lose out on a lot of life's experiences just because I am always too wary, too worried, too cautious. Afraid of doing things another way, afraid of walking down the road not taken before. It's true though. They say people fear change, because they are afraid of what they do not understand. That's why we are scared of UFOs, ghosts, orang minyak (ahem)...because we don't comprehend what they are or whether they exist.

Perhaps now, it's time to take a small step. throw all caution to the wind, take a deep breath, and plunge into the unknown.

fragility of the word F

Everyone experiences F. They've been uplifted by it, and also let down by it. But one thing is more sure, F is fragile. Or perhaps, to be more accurate, F is fragile when it isn't true F. I'm talking about friendship here.

溅男人

世界那么小，溅男人却很多。感觉上，每个好女人，都是被某个坏男人糟蹋的。那天晚上在家里观赏李明依主持的“最后的晚餐”，当中的女主角说了一句话 - “有钱的男人， 只会斤斤计较，不懂得什么叫爱情”。我还蛮同意的呢. 虽然我也像其他女生一样,梦想嫁个有钱人,可是现实中,我遇到的有钱佬,不懂得什么是爱情.当然,穷男人也有溅的.不止是针对富家公子而已.

我一直以为,自己懂得什么叫爱.但原来,就算有多了解爱,却不了解身边的他是个什么样的人,一样是会受伤的.厌倦了遇见的溅男人,决定靠自己算了. 让自己不断进步,总有一天,他会知道,当初自己是多么的愚蠢与懦弱.

old maid?!

Some friends of mine have made mental preparation that they MIGHT end up as an old maid. They have resignedly accepted the fact that there is a possibility that they may never find their destined Prince Charming and thus will have to lead a solitary life. I've never really gave much thought about this though, because I've always known that I wouldn't mind going on matchmaking dates should the time arise when my mum is desperate for her 30-something year old daughter to settle down. You know, when you've reached that certain age when you're just too weary of spending the nights alone hugging your bolster to sleep, you'd naturally settle for someone who may not be quite suited to your taste buds.

For me, being solitary was never a problem. I have no qualms about eating alone, shopping alone, watching a movie alone. Sometimes I even take the trouble to have some time alone to maintain my sanity. I'm not a "crowd" person. I despise bodies pressing against each other like a pack of sardines, i despise sweaty underarms in the LRT, I despise ear-shattering shrieks of " Merdeka!" or "Happy New Year" or "Merry Christmas!". I just don't like crowded public places. Thus, solitaire was never a problem. Up till now.

I've actually started thinking of what it would be like to be an old maid. I know for sure now that I cant bear to settle down with someone unsuitable just for the sake of settling down. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Gosh, that would mean that, if I dont find the man of my dreams, I can start saving for a place at the old folks' home in the future. gasp.

friends

I'm not the very bubbly and friendly type of girl. In fact, most people will tell you that I come across as cold and arrogant during their first impression of me. Even after knowing me for many years, there will still be people who feel that they don't know the real me - that there's some sort of invisible barrier in between. I don't warm up to people easily either; in fact, if I feel that I don't click with you during our first meeting, there's a great possibility that I will never ever be close to you in the future, because I would be feeling very uncomfortable.

It's during times of trial when you know who your real friends are. To all those who have been incredibly supportive during this period, thank you. It makes all the difference. I am deeply comforted. To the others who have not, well, let's just say I know your true colours now. Friendship is never a one-way street, so if it doesn't go both ways - it's not worth it. What I dislike the most is people who don't hesitate seeking help from you when they need it, yet they never do the same when you're down in the dumps. Yucky.

I've never been the wildly popular one, simply because I am not really an extrovert. It isn't easy for me to be comfortable with people, so if there is a slight hint of uneasiness, I will gladly excuse myself the next time you invite me to hang out. It's not me being rude; rather, I can't bring myself to plaster on a fake smile and keep thinking of topics to talk about. Therefore, I know that I may have fewer friends, but to me, quality matters way more than quality. After all, I've been brought up to enjoy solitaire, so I'm not the kind who needs people just for the sake of warding off loneliness.

To those who have been by my side with gracious patience, I've been there for you before. And I'll always be there anytime you need me. Thanks a gazillion.

the end

Shakespear once said that the world is a stage, and we are merely actors on it. Something along those lines. For this particular play, the curtain falls, and he and I both take our bows and leave with bittersweet graciousness.

Ironically, the year began with an end. And it happened unannounced, with no cue beforehand. All it took was 2 days of contemplation, and the verdict was reached. Unlike the previous case, this deal was sealed without tantrums or gushes of tears. It wasn't a decision made in the spur of the moment, in the heat of flared tempers. Rather, it resembled the ending of Korean soap dramas. Stricken with cancer, the persona struggles daily while putting on a brave front, but we all know that death is imminent and inevitable; we just don't know exactly when the Grim Reaper will strike. I guess the same could be said of us. The relationship was slowly being poisoned by the lack of time, the weariness of reality, and the differences in character. It's something like a patient hooked onto life support; you choose to take the easy way out by taking off the machine, because you don't want to die a slow and painful death.

I suppose this is for the very best. I won't lie and try to act cool by saying that I'm unaffected. I'm mourning inside, because I know I've tried my very best to make this work. But perhaps I was slowly unable to ignore the incessant nudges in my head. And I know he was getting weary too. I actually kinda understand how he feels. It's like you work almost 12 to 15 hours a day, and when you get back you're really worn out. You have no time to whisper sweet nothingness into the phone, because all you want to do is fall into bed. Yet you feel guilty, because there is someone waiting for you. So you drag yourself out of bed and dial the number, and repeat the same things you say every night mechanically. You can't really be bothered about the answers and you're just too weary to think of new topics to discuss. In fact, you don't even feel like talking, because you're so tired it feels like your brain and organs are slowly shutting down. You love her, but when you're this tired, sometimes you're just not sure anymore.

The reason why I didn't want to begin too quickly was because I feared the end. I've had a terrible experience before this, and boy, did that take time. I really really hate going through this again, but I'll manage better because the circumstances this time are different. We merely fell prey to timing, that's all.

Urgh, I really am not looking forward to explaining this to friends and family. That's actually one of the main reasons I'm writing this - so that whoever who reads this won't accidentally mention him to me again. Save me from more heartbreak please. I need to heal.